If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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