Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think i have two assholes
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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