I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
