I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
