my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize