So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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