Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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