Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
