happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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