not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Everclear isn't food dammit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
