Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
