My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
