highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
