How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
