you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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