i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
