weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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