Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
