she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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