remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
