Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
