I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
