Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
