I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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