Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
