i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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