By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this just has baby written all over it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
