im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
