Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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