So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
