my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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