I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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