So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
