dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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