are you so shy because you have an std?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
