So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
