could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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