I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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