What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize