bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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