i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
