oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
