I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
