Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
