Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
