he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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