Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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