how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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