Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My penis needs a shock collar
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
