i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
