i already hear my dad disowning me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
