So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
