I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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