Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
