when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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