Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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