she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
