no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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