i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I just went to clothing optional bar
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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