she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
