he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
