rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
