Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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