Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
