I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize