I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
